Friday, February 12, 2010

I'm amazed I'm not in trouble

So, my tendency to say 'I'm sorry' came to a head today. It was awful. We both yelled and I cried a great deal. Well, Master is the Master so I've finally agreed to give this up and stop saying 'I'm sorry.' However, I did stand up for myself and admit to him that I'm horrible at determining when it is an okay time to say 'I'm sorry' so that I need him to tell me if he wants an apology from me. Master has agreed to do his best to tell me when I really have done something he wants an 'I'm sorry' for and otherwise I'll do my best not to say it. I also told Master that it is very scary for me.
I honestly don't know what will come from this. Right now I just hope that I'll annoy Master less. I suspect that Master hopes it will help my self-concept.
At one point during our talk about whether I should be allowed to determine if I have done something to apologize for myself because I'm inside my head and I know my intentions and my feelings I actually said something like the following: "I agreed to you being my Dom but not my God." I proceeded to start to freak the heck out and luckily for me Master starts cracking jokes about "People who believe in Gosh get durned to heck." Whew, was I lucky there!

Later on I'm laying in bed after Master tucked me in with the laptop. He brought me some lemonade to try to get me un-dizzy and we both realized that I'm not usually dizzy at this angle. "Now I'm starting to fret" he said. 'You're not allowed to yell at me when you're worried about me" I teased. Surprisingly he said "I'll do my best." Again I was surprised to not be in trouble. "Okay, I'll do my best not to worry you just so you won't yell at me". We both got a good laugh and now Master is threatening me with a new t-shirt that says "I will not worry Master just so he won't yell at me." He thinks it is funny, I suspect most people would go 'baroo?'

The flea is this weekend. We really wish we could go. Have a great time. I'll go virtually via Twitter I guess. :)

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