Housework, self-care, pacing, obedience, and self-image

I tried to cook dinner a few months ago. Master does all of the cooking since I have trouble standing and am heat intolerant. Plus, even after 8 years of living together, he's not very good at finding partial tasks for me to do that would help him. I really wanted to take some of the burden of cooking off of him. Cooking used to be something that I enjoyed doing but due to health and bad experiences I haven't enjoyed it in several years. I tried to make Tomato Sauce with Onion and Butter. (fresh tomato version, vegan version) (I highly recommend this sauce. It's satisfying and tastes delicious.)
Master suggested I use the double boiler so there'd be less risk of the sauce burning. Of course I did as he suggested. The idea of not having to babysit the sauce appealed because it would mean less standing and fewer trips to the kitchen. I used the triple bottom sauce pan with the double boiler that came with it. Even with our gas stove this pan can be slow to heat up but heats very consistently so I wanted to use it. Unfortunately, while I got the water to boil the sauce itself never came to a boil. I tried to make do with the low simmer I had but the tomatoes just weren't breaking down.
After about two hours I asked Master to come take a look at dinner. He dumped out the water from the bottom pot and poured the sauce into it. I wasn't happy to have made more dirty dishes but at least now there was hope that dinner would actually cook.
Master loved the final sauce and wanted to add it to our regular meals. I wanted to cry. This hadn't been this simple, positive experience I'd been hoping for and needed. In fact, I wasn't sure if I should ever try cooking again.
My confidence blown I decided to focus on helping with the dishes. Master is the only person I know who can seriously cut himself washing dishes. That makes me want to protect him from the dishes. However I'm prone to dropping things and I don't want him to have to clean up broken glass or pottery. No matter how hard I'd try to clean up something I broke Master would still clean again to make sure both of us were safe.
As a baby step I decided to work harder at putting dishes away. Of course then we had a heat wave and I could barely stand up. Master doesn't like it when I'm in the kitchen and about to fall down. I can understand that.
Gradually, I slipped farther into a funk. I'm pathetic and useless. All Master does is take care of me. The more depressed I got the less motivation I had to force myself to do housework whenever I was at all able. It became this horrible cycle.
Master insists that I'm not lazy, I'm just taking care of myself. My point of view is a bit different. Stopping when I need to is taking care of myself (and thereby Master's property) but there's no reason that I'm not setting a timer for an hour and then trying again other than fear and laziness. At least, that's how I see it. I can feel capable when seated but as soon as I stand and take a few steps to the kitchen the unsteadiness increases dramatically. I'm amazingly glad I feel 'okay' seated or reclined but it does annoy the heck out of me that standing is so difficult and some things require standing in this house.
I have developed a fear of falling. To some degree it is a rational fear. Falls, especially in a cluttered kitchen, can lead to serious injury. That said, I haven't actually fallen in over a year. Master attributes that to my being careful but I'm not sure if I'm become overly cautious. Master values me and wants me to prioritize being careful and safe over almost everything else. Whereas I want to be useful and take good care of him. This difference in priorities can cause some problems.
I do my best to go with Master's priorities but I have a ways to go in feelings good about myself when I do. Right now I feel like I'm taking the easy way out. Ideally, I feel like I'd manage both. Taking care of myself, limiting how much Master has to worry about, and still reducing the work around the house for Master to do.

Master has asked me to cook that same dish a few more times. So far, it is the only thing I ever cook. I've singed it once but otherwise it gets slightly easier every time. Honestly, I think Master is right to pick one dish to help me work on my cooking confidence. I feel a bit less useless too.
Putting dishes and groceries away isn't going well. I've been experiencing a lot of nausea and dizziness. Plus, Master is the one who uses the kitchen so things need to be put away where they are easy for him to access. Our little metal box of a home leaves much to be desired in the areas of storage and organization and so it is daunting task to put things away in such a way that he'll approve.

Also, I'm working on changing the order that I do things in. I used to get up and put the dishes away and then couldn't make myself breakfast. So, Master would end up making me food when he got up a few hours later. Master has convinced me that I need to take care of myself first. If I do that I'm more likely to be able to do more than the bare minimum to survival. While I'd rather do things to help Master first I know it doesn't help Master for him to have to take care of me as soon as he gets up even if that means he has to put an extra drainer full of dishes away.

Occasionally he'll ask me to do something and it will take me some time to finish the what I'm already doing for him so he'll just go ahead and do the task. He says it's the same as when I've asked for help with something and then, after waiting some variable length of time, just try to do it myself. Problem is, Master has a very bad sense of time and I've lived with him long enough that my sense of time is shot too-just not in the same way his is. So, he'll think he gave me 'plenty of time' and it felt like less than five minutes to me. Or I'll think I gave him an hour to get around to helping me and he'll think it's been 5 seconds. While Master doesn't make a value judgement about my performance when I've taken too long-I do. When I don't remind him that I asked for something and instead try to get it myself he feels bad while I'll just assume he has more important things to do.
None of this would be an issue if I wasn't so slow at everything and if I didn't ask for so much help. This is another reason to be more diligent in my pacing and self-care - hopefully I'll be bale to safely avoid asking for help and do things more swiftly.

Getting Support as a Sub

I'm not going to give any solutions here. I just don't have any. That's part of the point. However, I do realize that this may apply to my particular dynamic of male dominant and female submissive.

Every relationship has problems. Mine with Master is no exception. While we try to work out our problems between ourselves there are times when one of us needs a friend or some outside help.

I've tried talking to old friends about my relationship and any frustrations I have that come up and have learned that it is generally a bad idea.
My friends know my history of abusive partners and are on the lookout for my continuing that pattern. This shows how much they care about me and I do appreciate that however, sometimes they gauge a situation wrong. I also tend to be submissive in general and that causes warning signs for them that aren't really necessary in my opinion because Master is good to me.
Also, my friends are quite liberal. So, they're open minded in many ways. However, most of them firmly believe that because I'm female and my partner is male that I'm at risk for Domestic Violence. Honestly, Master is at more risk from me but I'd never convince my friends of that.
My friends are my friends and by and large don't know Master. So when something comes up they're going to side with me. Plus, they just don't have a full unbiased perspective on things and can't get it from me.

Occasionally, I'll end up talking to my Mom about things. Now, I'm not 'out' to her and I never could be. She's a Feminist and from what I can tell she sees my submissive personality as anti-Feminist. Yes, I have a Master, but I'd like to think that I'd treat any partner of mine with respect. The efforts I take to show my partner respect seem to confound my Mom and say to her that I have no self-respect.

I've looked for ideas and support on various internet sites that focus on BDSM, in hopes that there the BDSM won't be a barrier to getting support. There's some very good information out there depending on what you are looking for. However, perhaps it is how I tend to read things or the information I found, but the impression I sometimes get is 'if it isn't abuse then the submissive should focus on him or herself.' I'm very glad that I'm not being abused. I'm willing to do a lot of work on myself however this approach hasn't been good for me long term. No matter how much I've tried to change my attitudes and worked on my communication skills it just didn't seem to improve the situation at home and my still being unhappy just seemed to indicate that I just needed to try harder/better/differently.

If my Master does a few things that hurt me and make it hard for me to be what he wants or how he already sees me, I don't necessarily want to throw my relationship in the trash if there's anything that can be done about it. However, I sometimes feel that there's a focus on the sub should do all the changing and if they have a problem with their current Master then they should go find a new one or just shut up/hide the pain better. Not my ideal solution, partly because I can't seem to hide my pain from my Master and that causes him pain. Plus, he doesn't want me to go so I have to find a way to work things out.

I've done years of individual therapy to help me with my personal issues. My most recent therapist, K, was excellent but I have to admit to not being entirely honest with her. Since I'd finally found someone who I trusted and was making progress with, I was hesitant to do anything that might damage that relationship.
One of the best things about K was that she remembered that I was giving her my perspective on the situations in my life and reminded me of that. She gave me the best advice she could on how to help myself and to best evaluate my life.
Eventually K recommend couples therapy so that someone could hear from both of us. We tried less than a handful of sessions with K but since K was *my* therapist neither of us felt entirely comfortable. Partly he felt he was taking away from my time. I was concerned that Master might feel K was biased in my favor.

So, we opted for couples therapy. Again, while the therapist said he was willing to talk about sex with us we did not disclose our D/s dynamic. We'd never met with this person before and he was a student. The couples therapy made things worse. The T managed to push all of the buttons that both Master and I have. I felt I was pushed to go against my nature and what we'd laid out for the T at the beginning of treatment. The resulting anger and 'wants' made me unhappy and caused additional stress between Master and myself.

We've made some mistakes. Disclosing our D/s dynamic and Master's probable Asperger's Syndrome would have been best in hindsight. However, our hesitancy is understandable, I have a disability and don't fully understand when someone might be compelled to report things to Adult Protective Services. Our income is quite limited so we don't have many options when it comes to therapists and have learned that sometimes no therapist can actually be the best choice.

The Kink Aware Professional List is often mentioned when kinksters complain about therapy options. I'm not sure how many people who recommend this resource have actually used the list to find a professional live in a small town, are on a limited income, and/or are picky about the credentials of their professionals.

My Master is my best friend but at times, a person has problems with their best friend and needs help to work those problems out. Unfortunately, I don't have such a person and I've run out of ideas on how to find such a person.